Tonight I drove out to the west side of the island to watch the lunar eclipse with my love. On the drive, that one overplayed Snow Patrol song came on the radio. I love Snow Patrol, but I usually change the channel whenever that song plays. It felt fitting for tonight, though, so I gave it a listen. Then I got stuck in a little jiff of traffic, so I flipped to a country station to help get me through it. Country almost always puts me in a better mood. The first thing to come on was a sweet little number that almost made me cry. That song made me feel so appreciative toward my life, so I didn’t even care that it took me a little longer than usual to get to my boothang’s house. I was just happy :)

We ended up driving all the way out to Yokz, but it was super cloudy, and we got sand kicked all over us by the crazy wind. Not the best date we’ve been on, but we still enjoyed ourselves! These people were blasting music from their truck while they all stood around and drank beer, which was kind of annoying, but then The Green started playing. It created a really romantic moment, and we stole a few kisses there on the sand.

I never update this tumblr, but I wanted to remember tonight and how certain songs make me feel. Maybe I’ll start using this account again.

The only downside to tonight was that I dropped my camera, and it started taking blurry pictures (see the last three in this photo set?). Ah, well. I might be getting a new one for my birthday. We shall see.

Reading through my teenage journal

In high school I had this really polite boyfriend that would always bring some kind of food/treat for my family whenever he came over. There was this one time I snuck him over when no one was home, and he brought a jello pie with him. I didn’t want anyone to know I had him over (because that was a huge no-no at the time) so I hid the pie and ate the entire thing late at night. Delicious evidence destroyed.

There was this other time I had him over and I was planning on breaking up with him, but he brought over a huge bag of crab legs, and we ate them for dinner, and then he started washing the dishes right after. Needless to say, I had to postpone the breakup because I would have felt like a royal jerk for dumping him when he was being so absolutely sweet.

I’m trying really hard not to lose faith in love.

  

I often feel lost and hopeless.

When I wake up from dreams I always wish I could go back. Sometimes even when they’re bad ones.

I lack basic social skills.

I think I’m easy to get along with…
But maybe I’m wrong, because I’ve lost so many friends in the past year or so. But I guess that happens. People drift, and that’s okay.

Sometimes I want to die. How silly, right? I have so much. How ungrateful of me to even teeter with the mere thought of suicide. I’m oh so sorry.

I wonder where I’ll be in five years.

What the fuck am I going to do with a psychology degree?
I’m just going to go back to school. Buy me some more time to figure things out. But for what? And with what money? Is it even worth it to go to grad school? Am I staying here? I don’t know what to do anymore. Can someone just choose for me? It’d be way better that way.

Sometimes I want to die. How silly, right? I have so much. How ungrateful of me to even teeter with the mere thought of suicide. I’m oh so sorry.

Things often sound negative. When I write/type, I guess it’s often because I feel the need to vent.

I need to find a balance.

I want to be able to relate better with people. It’s such a challenge for me. It seems like it’s only once every few years that I find someone I have a real connection with, and then it just dies.

When did I become so anxious? Is it all in my head? Am I making it worse by over-thinking about it all? Am I digging my own grave? Am I autistic? A little? I mean, yeah I’m probably high functioning if I am but you know what I mean I feel like it’s there and I want someone to tell me that I have it and somehow I can get a medical card for it.

The big CTC

Communication, trust, and compromise.

I browse craigslist when I’m bored, and the other day I found this lovely momma. 

I browse craigslist when I’m bored, and the other day I found this lovely momma. 

I wish I could cut off all your limbs and kick you down the street.

All y’all are fucking asshats.

I remember someone writing this in my middle school yearbook.

I remember someone writing this in my middle school yearbook.

The main reason I want a phone isn’t so that I can be in touch with friends again.

It’s to make an instagram account!

It’s been a quiet, coffee house music, wishing I lived with my boyfriend kind of morning.